


Let's End This

by DawnMalfoy



Series: Yuri on Ice!!! Stories [6]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Break Up, Communication, Communication Failure, Cuddles, Emotional Katsuki Yuuri, Episode 11 Spoilers, Fear, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Victor, M/M, Marriage, Mentions of Anxiety, Rings, Sweet, Talking, True Love, hard conversations, not really - Freeform, there is a happy ending, victor loves Yuuri so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:14:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8851555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnMalfoy/pseuds/DawnMalfoy
Summary: Yuuri is not good at difficult conversations, so when it comes to having a difficult conversation with Victor things don't go as he planned them to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> As per usual as of yet this is unedited so please bear with me. It's currently nine am and I've been awake since 4.30AM, because it took me so long to find a version of episode eleven. 
> 
> Also please note that there is allusions to Yuuri having anxiety. I'm warning you all because as I was writing this I started getting a little anxious, so keep an eye out and look after yourselves okay?!

Yuuri has always struggled with hard conversations.

 

He’d struggled to come out to his parents all those years ago, when he’d started to realise that his love of Victor Nikiforov extended beyond idolising his skating and into the realms of sexual fantasy. In the end, he never actually told them. He ended up writing it in a letter that he left on the kitchen bench at three in the morning, when there was no one to see him leaving it. Then he’d walked out the door of Yutopia with all of his luggage and moved to Detroit for five years.

 

His parents had brought in up six months later in the first call from them that Yuuri responded to, although Phichit’s constant pestering had more to do with him answering than bravery did.

 

The conversation, in the end did not turn out badly. His mother and father had both laughed when he expressed his sincere apologies for dropping such a surprise on them before leaving for an indefinite amount of time. Apparently, they had been waiting for him to announce it ever since he started to talk about Victor Nikiforov’s ‘beautiful legs’. Thinking about it now, Yuuri can’t help but smile. While it had been embarrassing when Minako began to talk about “safe sexual practices” at the time, now it just made him want to laugh.

 

It had been hard to tell Celestino that he wanted to quit skating too. This time round he couldn’t get away with leaving a letter, because disappearing with very few words was simply not a possibility when there was press to deal with.  So a month after the Grand Prix Finals, when Celestino begins to ask him what he’s think about doing for his new short program Yuuri gathers together every bit of courage in his body and tells him that they need to talk.

 

It had been hard to break it to Celestino.

 

Celestino offers him a couple of weeks of break. A few weeks to go home to Japan and rid himself of the homesickness that has begun to bury him like a landslide in the past few months. When Yuuri rejects that he offers going to a retreat somewhere in Hawaii, away from all the stress for a while. Eventually he gets desperate and says that he’ll allow Yuuri to take an indefinite hiatus. Yuuri had used all of his courage just to initiate the conversation and reject the other notions, so he goes along with it even though he knows that he’ll never come back to skating at a professional level again.

 

He’d thought telling Victor the same thing would be easier this time round, because he’s done it before but it isn’t. It’s easy telling Victor that he wants to talk, but starting the conversation is so hard. He knows it’s for the best. His body is beginning to feel the strain of skating, ankles aching and bones in his feet screaming with the pain of what are probably several unchecked stress fractures. His knees and lower spine are starting to feel it too. Aching no matter how long he tries to stretch out their overworked muscles.

 

He knows Victor misses skating competitively too. He hadn’t quite made up his mind about when to tell Victor about this decision, but he’d been thinking it over for months, ever since the Rostelecom Cup and seeing Victor’s face as he watched the other, better skaters had only helped him decide to push forward setting him free. Yuuri knows that Victor still has a year or two left in him if he’s careful and while it has been amazing to have him by his side, it is like caging an exotic bird. While still entrancingly beautiful in captivity, nothing will ever beat the magnificence of watching them as they soar free.

 

So he knows he has to.

 

But his heart is pounding and his breathing is picking up in a way that’s so familiar he wants to scream just to see if it will hold the panic off for just a bit longer. His vision blurs and his body throbs until the press of the gold ring wrapped around his finger is more painful than comforting. He stalls for time, scrolling through instagram and bringing up all the things that his fellow skaters are doing, but when he reaches Minako drinking with Celestino he knows the gig is up.

 

“By the way, Yuuri… what did you want to talk to me about?” Victor’s eyes are soft, like they always are and Yuuri is reminded both of Vicchan and Makkachin by the gentle expectation held in them.

 

His body begins to shake with nerves and he wants to run away because it feels like he’s going to vomit. He can’t breath and the ring on his finger feels as though it has gotten so tight that he will never be able to take it off.

 

“Right.” He hopes he doesn’t sound as nervous as he is. He clenches his fists, just so he can feel the pain of the edges of his phone pressing too hard into his hand against his ring.

 

“Victor. After the finals lets end this.”  it comes out in one big rush and for a moment Victor says nothing and Yuuri begins to panic because he hasn’t said it right at all and Victor won’t understand. The world starts spinning faster until Yuuri can no longer tell if time has sped up or slowed down and his breaths won’t enter or leave properly.

 

“What? But… but we’re…” Yuuri’s heart breaks when Victor’s eyes begin to fill with tears. He wonders if this is how Victor felt all those eons ago when they were just starting out at the China Cup. Wonders if Victor understood the panic that Yuuri was going through trying to discuss this.

 

“BUT WE’RE ENGAGED! I PINED AFTER YOU FOR ALMOST A YEAR AND THEN GAVE UP SKATING JUST SO I COULD BECOME YOUR COACH!” It’s the first time Victor’s yelled and Yuuri knows he has to do something, but it feels like his body has turned to lead. He’s trying to say something. Anything that will get across what he means, but nothing is working.

 

His mind rushes from place to place and the only thing he can manage to get out is a quiet “I love you Vitya.”

 

It shouldn’t really do anything. Couples who break up are often still in love, so it shouldn’t comfort Victor but it does and Yuuri thinks maybe breathing just got a little bit easier.

 

“Don’t call me that if you’re going to leave me.” he says quietly, but his hand is reaching out to grab Yuuri’s. His fingers gently unfurl Yuuri’s own from the tight fist that they have formed and he slowly entwines them with his own.

 

Yuuri appreciates that he hold loosely enough to provide an easy way to remove his hand and that he makes no attempt to get closer. It’s been awhile since he’s been so anxious and he suddenly isn’t sure if he would be able to cope with a full embrace. It hits him again just how in love he is with the man in front of him and he wants to get to his knees and beg for his forgiveness.

 

“I… I… Vicchan I meant…” He’s struggling to find the English for it, even in his slightly calmed mind.

 

“Do you mean that you… do you mean that you want to end our romantic relationship?” He asks softly and Yuuri’s heart throbs because Victor is so gentle with him and it makes his insides feel like they have been turned into sticky sweet marshmallow.

 

“No” he whispers as Victor kneels so he can be closer to him. Victor’s other hand, the one with the ring, hesitantly reaches up to cup his cheek halting just before making contact. Yuuri leans his face down into it and relishes the residual shower warmth radiating from his lover’s normally cool hand. It’s nice. Forces away the icy feeling that nerves seemed to have used to paralyse him. He feels like he is melting under Victor’s touch.

 

“What do you mean then, Zvyozdochka?” the Russian endearment is comforting. A reminder that no matter what, to Victor, Yuuri will always shine even when the whole world seems dark. He allows the tension to fall from his body and he slumps into Victor’s hold, allowing some of the weight of the stress to fall onto Victor. If Yuuri had his way it would always be like this. The two of them working together to hold the heavy weight that the world has thrust onto their shoulders.

 

“Being coach and student. Let’s stop.” the hand cupping his cheek moves to slide through his hair and Yuuri finds that it isn’t so hard to keep talking now that he has started. “After the Grand Prix Finals, no matter the results I’m retiring.”

 

He expects Victor to fight it but the man says nothing for a few moments.

 

“You know that won’t mean I’ll return to skating? Once you do this, we’ll both be finished skating competitively.” Yuuri expects the world to stop, but Victor’s fingers keep moving and their chests keep touching with every breath. Everything keeps going even though Victor Nikiforov has announced that he’s never going to skate competitively again.

 

“I didn’t know that.” He whispers and Victor chuckles.  

 

“I guess I can still surprise you then.” the hand in his hair stops for a moment and to slide down and play with the short hair on his neck. Yuuri is tempted to ask for a massage, but it’s not the right time so he lets go of the idea. “I’m glad.” He starts running his fingers through his hair again and Yuuri sinks even closer to him.

 

Like this, Yuuri thinks that maybe it will be okay to have other difficult conversations, because Victor is there to help him bear the weight of the nerves.

 

“Vitya… even if I don’t win tomorrow, will you still marry me?” He’s petrified of this answer. Brings his hands to clench at Victor’s robe as though it will stop him from ever leaving if the answer is no.

 

“My precious Katsudon… of course I will. I wanted to inspire you to try to win but even if you don’t you will forever be the most precious person in the world to me.” Yuuri’s body still feels too big for him when Victor tilts his head so that their lips can meet. It’s an odd feeling, kissing Victor when he feels so lost in himself, but he doesn’t dislike it. It kind of feels a little like it does when he cocoons himself in his blankets. Victor is everywhere at once, filling the empty spaces with warmth.

 

He’s still shaking as he comes down from the nerves, but Victor holds him closer.

 

“Now, my precious Yuuri… shall we discuss how exactly you’re going to skate your Yuri on Ice tomorrow? Lets send you off with a bang!”

 

And just like that the moment is over and they’re sitting apart again, eagerly discussing adjustments that will make his short program his best yet.

 

_The final event Victor and I will face together is about to begin._

 

Victor smiles at him and Yuuri looks down at the ring on the man’s finger. 

_  
_ I’ll be sure to skate mt and Victor’s love, laid bare to the world.  _ _

  


 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> * apparently according to the internet this means little star
> 
>  
> 
> Alrighty well I’m seriously messed up how about you guys?
> 
>  
> 
> Okay so I have a lot to say about the end scene. 1) I don’t think Yuuri and Victor are breaking off their engagement. Yuuri was smiling, they were talking after and in the episode twelve preview they were still wearing their rings. Besides that Victor looked like he was really concerned for Yuuri.
> 
> 2) Those rings were very expensive, so I very much doubt that Yuuri would have bought them then broken up with Victor, especially considering he’d been planning this for A WHILE. Like ever since Russia.
> 
> 3) I very much doubt that Victor wouldn’t marry Yuuri just because he didn’t get gold. Victor is probably trying to encourage him in his unique Vicchan way
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/DawnMalfoy) if you want to come cry with me over korean boys and anime


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